if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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