I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
