My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
