Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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