I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
