i jhust puked up my retainher.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
