Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
