Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
