people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
