so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
