I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
