Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
