I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
