Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
