I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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