i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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