the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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