a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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