Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
