I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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