The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
