He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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