Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
