You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sacagawea was the original milf.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
