i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
