We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
