we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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