dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
