i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
COCAINE IS GR8
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
