I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
