you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
