whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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