Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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