are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
