If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
