I wish my penis had an off switch
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
