dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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