when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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