Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
