she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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