Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
