i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
