You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
