Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
