I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize