just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
