I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Randomize
