Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize