I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
