GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
