I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
