every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
