Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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