ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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