True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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