I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
