Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
should my penis look like a turkey
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
