Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
