proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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