Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
