Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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