I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
God, I missed his penis.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize