Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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