oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
