I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
