i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
