Ambien. No doubt about it.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
