porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
