I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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