my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Green mimosas i think yes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
