he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
